


piece it all together now

by emotionalgoblin



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Bisexual Female Character, Cheating, Coming Out, Crying, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, I Love Noor And She Must Be Protected, M/M, Men Crying, Noor Bauwens Appreciation Squad, Robbe Giving A Shit About Noor, Robbe Respect Noor Challenge, Teenage Boy Not Being Selfish? Revolutionary, Where Is Sander Robbe What Have You Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-27 02:09:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21384361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emotionalgoblin/pseuds/emotionalgoblin
Summary: “Is it because of me?”“No. You’re amazing.”The worst part was that he meant it.In the warmth of Noor’s arms, Robbe felt something in him start to crumble.--Robbe’s POV during Zaterdag 21:52 (S03E05) w/an alternate ending. Unrealistic AU in which men aren’t selfish and terrible lmao.
Relationships: Robbe Ijzermans/Sander Driesen
Comments: 10
Kudos: 80





	piece it all together now

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this before Milan talked some sense into Robbe. This is 100% wish fulfillment; I just wanted Robbe to come clean and come out to Noor and things not to blow up in his face. And, like. Not be selfish.
> 
> Title from "A toast to the future kids!" by Emarosa. Very good song. (I totally didn't put my angst playlist on shuffle and title this with the first lyric of the first song that played. What a ridiculous suggestion.)

He couldn’t do it. 

He tried so hard, but he couldn’t force his body to feel what it didn’t. 

He gazed at the beautiful girl below him, smooth and open and yielding, and his mind flashed unbidden to all the things he’d shoved deep down —

a glint of platinum, a soft smile, playful blue eyes drinking him in, sweeping up and down his body;  
a strong hand, gripping the back of his head like a lifeline,  
the feeling of resistance, of push and pull, of being devoured

— and he felt a tiny spark in his belly immediately drowned by the frigid rush of memory:  
The hurt in Sander’s eyes that he put there, how his whole face fell and his body slumped like his strings had been cut; the way Robbe felt himself cutting the string tying them to one another with wild ammunition flung out so carelessly, an ambush destroying both sides.  
Poison words crumbling to ash the minute he’d uttered them, scooping both of them hollow.  
The fear and shame choking him  
(it had to be enough to keep Sander away, it had to).

He looked down at Noor, and all he felt was a numb sort of nausea. He closed his eyes, jaw working. When he opened them, he saw her brow furrowed in concern.

“Robbe, are you okay?”

He swallowed, shook his head like a dog, like he was trying to get the water out of his ears — and maybe he still was — before rolling off her to slump on the side of the bed, head in his hands. 

Moments later, he felt her slide up behind him and wrap her arms around his neck. She kissed his cheek, hooked her head over his shoulder, offered words of comfort. When she asked if it was her fault he couldn’t get hard, the denial came before he had the chance to think about it. He told her she was amazing and meant it.

Then, suffocating silence. There was nothing else to say; the script had reached its end.

In the warmth of her arms, Robbe felt something in him start to crumble. He stared at nothing as she rubbed circles into his shoulder. The softness of it made his chest ache. All he could think was that he didn’t deserve this comfort from her, didn’t deserve anything from her.

He knew in his bones, with dull clarity, what he had to do. She’d said something about next time, but there couldn’t be a next time. They’d be caught in a loop, and eventually, she’d lose patience with him. There was no way for her not to get hurt; the hole he’d dug for them both was already too deep. 

He couldn’t keep doing this, to either of them. It wasn’t fair. She deserved to be loved completely, by someone whole. He was hollow and missing pieces. 

“I have to tell you something,” he whispered. 

She pulled away, and the cold hit his back immediately. He turned to face her but couldn’t bring himself to look her in the eye.

“I’m sorry, Noor,” he continued. “I’ve lied to you.”

“What?” she said, a tremor in her voice. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to do it. It’s me,” he said bitterly. “I’m broken. There’s something wrong with me.” 

She inhaled sharply, and he kept talking before she could speak. 

“I thought if there was any girl I could do it with, it would be you. But I just can’t. It doesn’t work. And there’s something else.” 

He squeezed his eyes shut again and took a deep breath. 

“I... I,” he broke off with a shaky exhale.

“Robbe,” Noor insisted, her voice too loud for the small room, high-pitched with apprehensive, “Tell me.” 

She had to know. It took everything in him to say it.

“I kissed Sander Wednesday night, a few hours after you left the bar,” he muttered with a shaky exhale. “I’m so fucking sorry, Noor.”

He looked up, and she was crying, and he felt like the worst person in the world. The tears he’d been holding back himself began escaping in sympathy. 

Noor nodded, face twisting as she maneuvered her bra back on.

“Of course,” she said, voice thick with tears. “I knew there was something. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to let you convince me otherwise. If you actually gave a shit, you would’ve come after me that night. I’m such an idiot.” 

“No, Noor, please,” he pleaded, heart in his throat. “You’re not stupid or an idiot. You’re wonderful. I’m just fucked up.”

“You are fucked up, Robbe, but not because you’re gay,” she declared furiously. He recoiled like he’d been slapped. 

Noor continued, on a roll now, “What’s fucked up is that you pretended to like me —“

He protested, voice cracking, “I wasn’t pretending, I do like you, how could I not —“

“Shut up and listen, Robbe, don’t interrupt me.” Her eyes were blazing now. His jaw snapped shut obediently.

“What’s fucked up is that you pretended to want to be with me like that, cheated on me, and lied God knows how many times,” she ranted, “But you being gay? That’s not fucked up, Robbe. It doesn’t make you broken. I can’t believe you actually think that.” 

He blinked and stared at her, open-mouthed. She shook her head at him, and let out an incredulous noise, almost like a laugh. 

“Boys are so goddamn stupid,” she muttered to herself, swiping beneath her eyes and staring up at the ceiling for a moment in exasperation. She moved delicately to sit beside him.

“Robbe, I’m bisexual,” she said tiredly. 

“What?” he spluttered. She rolled her eyes again.

“I’m bisexual,” she repeated. “Everyone is beautiful to me. I even had a crush on Britt at summer camp.” 

He was at a loss.

“I wish I was like that,” he mumbled miserably. “It sounds easier.”

She scoffed, “Easy? You have no idea how many people have told me to pick a side, or slut-shamed me. When I date anyone who’s not a guy, people are assholes. And when I date a guy, people are assholes. They think I’m pretending or something. Even in the LGBT community.”

Robbe ducked his head, cowed. “Shit, sorry,” he mumbled under his breath, running a hand down his face.

“People are always going to be shitty, Robbe,” Noor said with a heavy exhale. “But you can’t let that stop you from being who you are. So many people have fought for our right to love. If you don’t let yourself exercise that right, then what the hell is the point?”

He stared at her in awe and then bit his lip, mulling it over. She sighed.

“I think it’s time for me to go,” she said wearily. She began pulling her clothes back on.

“Wait, Noor.” Robbe grabbed her hand and stared up at her. She snatched it away as if burned. 

“I can’t right now, Robbe,” she said, teary again. “It’s too fresh.”

“I really am so sorry,” he pleaded. “Even if I can’t love you that way. You are gorgeous, and kind, and smart, and strong. You deserve to be loved by someone good.” 

She nodded and sniffed, cleared her throat.

“Yeah, you’re right about that. Thanks, I guess. For finally being honest with me. It sucked, but at least I know I’m not crazy, now.”

He gazed at her as she walked to the door and paused with her hand on the knob, turned back to look at him.

“What you did was fucked up, but that doesn’t make you a bad person,” she said it like it was a fact. "And Robbe, you can't tell anyone else about what happened. At least not who it was you kissed. I don't think Sander is out, and it's not your place to tell people if he likes boys, just like it's not his to tell people about you."

Robbe swallowed, throat sandpaper dry. He hadn't even thought about that. His mind flashed again to blue eyes, face falling, shoulders slumping, and his eyes began welling up again.

“You just have to do better,” Noor said gently, eyes shining.

He nodded.

“Bye, Robbe.” The door snicked shut behind her.

“Bye, Noor,” he whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> So definitely assume that he or Noor will reach out via text in a couple weeks to ask how the other is doing!!! And then get coffee and talk things through when the wound has scabbed over a bit. I just want them to be friends because he clearly cares about her a lot and it's so shitty that because he's dragging this out, there's a strong chance she won't be able to forgive him enough for that friendship to be a possibility. Hence this fic. Anyway.
> 
> I swear to god I'm physically incapable of writing more than 1.5K words. How does it take an hour to write 1K when in that time I can read 25K. I'm annoyed. And also annoyed that WTFock is dragging this out for drama and not giving Noor the honesty and plot she deserves! JUSTICE FOR NOOR, BYE
> 
> HMU @ phallusophical.tumblr.com


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